stillhaventfound.org

I consider myself - at present - a progressive evangelical. Labels like Post-Evangelical or Emergent Christian, I don’t mind either. Though they are merely labels - which, despite their limitations, can be helpful in describing one’s beliefs and worldview. My past? God transformed my life when I was 16-17 years old and since then I’ve had an interesting journey - and one which I’m sure will continue such that what I say of myself and my interests now may not be the same in future. Having experienced early on the positives and negatives of both the Charismatic and non-Charismatic (Reformed/Calvinistic) worlds of Christianity, I had an ambition (for the first 5 to 6 years - till about end 2001) to bring together the best of both worlds. I loved theology and I felt both sides of the divide had much to learn from the other. Thus I wanted to pursue my doctorate in theology, become a theological college lecturer and bring about a balance of both Word and Spirit in the Christian world. Well, that path obviously didn’t last. While initially only interested in reading theological books, certain influential Reformed Christian authors (e.g. Michael Horton) and magazines (e.g. Modern Reformation) led me to grasping the importance of understanding the world-at-large and not just focusing on my own sub-culture - the Christian world. I started to read books that dealt with sociological (e.g. media), philosophical, educational, economical and political issues and soon I found myself being interested more in the world-at-large and all issues concerning the “secular” world, and started losing interest in my dream to bring together the best of both the charismatic and non-charismatic Christian worlds. Two reasons could be given as to why I started to become discouraged in relation to such a dream, both of which are particularly telling of the struggles I would face as I hop on a different path for my life. The first reason was that I started to realize that people (myself included) are too stuck in their beliefs to change or want to learn from others - even Christians who profess to humility and obedience to God. My understanding of why this is so would be later more greatly enhanced as I encountered what “postmodernism” is all about. The second reason was that my grand ambitions of seeing greater balance come about in the Church was just too idealistic for the world - Christian or not - to look favorably upon. Yes, I am an idealistic person and driven by lots of ideals. And yes, perhaps sometimes I do need to get down to earth and be more realistic. Both these reasons eventually made me let go of that dream. Continuing on with the story, what eventually occurred through my interest in the “secular” world was that I encountered a world of suffering. Of course I knew about suffering and the fallenness of human beings and all before this. And I knew there were passages in the Bible that talked of a Christian’s obligation to help the poor and suffering. But that was in theory and in my head. It never moved me to act. I never felt that as a Christian I needed to do anything for the poor in the third world. But gradually, I started to see things differently - perhaps, very much like Rick Warren. Rick had written the best-selling new book in the world since 2003 (The Purpose Driven Life) and yet despite his great grasp of Scripture and years in ministry (he’s one of the world’s most respected Christian pastors and leaders, even nicknamed “America’s Pastor”), he acknowledged that he missed God’s heart for the poor until God gave him “new eyes” to rexamine Scripture. He said to Christianity Today: “I found those 2,000 verses on the poor. How did I miss that? I went to Bible college, two seminaries, and I got a doctorate. How did I miss God’s compassion for the poor? I was not seeing all the purposes of God.” Similarly, I read widely, was quite well-versed in theology, attended many different Churches and listened to many Christian pastors and preachers. In all this, the emphasis was all about stuff like one’s relationship with God, God’s will, getting closer to God…etc - mostly about the “spiritual”, very little about the “material/physical”. It was as if one’s relationship with God had nothing to do with poverty and the suffering of others. Such was too “earthly” and the job of a Christian was to evangelize and focus on the “spiritual” and “heavenly”, rather than on the “earthly”. I too had missed it… It’s frightening to know that a Christian of Rick’s stature could have completely missed God’s compassion for the poor. If he could have missed it, then what about most other Christians? So anyway, slowly I started to feel the need to show God’s compassion to the suffering deep in my soul. With “new eyes”, I started to see that the Bible actually talked a lot about the poor and about the Christian’s responsibility to them. From early 2002 till 2005, I had been mainly studying in University (excluding a 4 months stay in Colombia and breaks in Singapore) and this time spent studying about the stuff I’m interested in - International Development, Politics, Economics, Spanish and Latin America - as well as the time away from home (Singapore) has enabled me to broaden my outlook in life and strengthen my interest in International Development - i.e. development of Third World countries. At present, this remains my passion and the path I hope to travel in future. I still consider myself a Christian (of course!) and in fact it’s my faith that motivates me in my interest of wanting to help the poor. I believe that’s what God has called Christians to do - not just evangelize, but also help the poor. My journey so far has resulted in my having a dislike for organizational (and fundamentalist right-wing) Christianity because I find them especially narrow-minded and indifferent to issues which I believe greatly concern the heart of God - like that of poverty and suffering. But I still try to attend church and keep in touch with Christian happenings all around the world. I also have a desire to see Christians adopt a more holistic faith of ministering to both the physical and spiritual needs of people. I am not a perfect, sinless person but I do not fear because God has accepted in me Christ. God is the reason why I live. All things I do - all my interests and passions - stem from the recognition that He loved me in Jesus Christ and that all I hope to do now is love Him back. There are many ways to do that, yet perhaps the most important is through letting Love (God) be known in every aspect of my life, through living Love out. Truth is, I constantly fail. And the world constantly fails. I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. And so I press on…