About stillhaventfound.org

You broke the bonds
And you loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it
But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for

The name of this website was inspired by U2’s song “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.” I chose this name because the song, as well as its title, reflects my life as a search and a journey.

Much has been said about this song – many believing its lyrics are evidence that Bono has departed from his Christian faith. After all, such Christians would say, “Bono writes of Christ’s redemption and yet says that he still hasn’t found what he’s looking for. Wouldn’t a true Christian find total fulfillment in Christ? If so, what’s Bono still looking for?” However, I believe this song reflects the continuing post-conversion struggle, a realization that life is a journey and a determination to search for – as well as be part of – the coming of God’s kingdom here on earth.

In this sense, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for: while I’ve found everything in Jesus for He is everything to me, I’m still looking for more evidences of His kingdom here on earth, and indeed I’m still, as His disciple, bringing His kingdom here on earth (Matt. 6:10).

I believe that Christianity has largely lost a biblical understanding of the persistence of struggle (and suffering) in this lifetime. In theological terms, many Christians have an “over-realized eschatology” – that is, many Christians overstate the realization of the presence of the kingdom of God on this earth. This is evident when we hear that becoming a Christian will solve all our problems and that as Christians we will only feel love, joy and peace for the rest of the days of our lives. Christians speak often of the victories we have had; few share of the struggles and pain. Yet that’s not because there aren’t any in our lives or in this world, but because we often feel it’s wrong and perhaps immature to speak of this other side of our Christian lives. It is as though a good Christian would have it all together, his life all worked out. Yet non-Christians easily see through such an inauthentic facade. Many reject Christianity because Christians don’t interact with the painful realities of this world. It is as though the poverty, the suffering, the pain in this world do not exist – for they have everything they need in Christ and there is nothing more to search for.

A more realistic view of Christianity is thus needed. One that recognizes that while Jesus has died on the Cross, there is still much to be done in this world. There is still poverty, still sadness, still pain, still sickness, still suffering, still sin, still many things that will be eliminated when Jesus comes again. Meanwhile, as Christians we ought to seek heaven on earth, that God’s perfect kingdom come. We seek it, we search for it, we declare His Kingdom has come and is coming and we go about doing works that reflect that such is the case.

Here on earth, between Jesus’ first coming and second, we experience both joy and sadness, peace and conflict, love and hatred, order and confusion. We thank Jesus for what He has done on the Cross – the victory He has won – yet we realize the fullness of His Kingdom coming on earth will only occur when He comes again. In between, there is much for us to do. Indeed, side by side the joy and love and fullness we experience is the existence of sadness, hatred, emptiness, suffering, pain, poverty and confusion.

True Christianity acknowledges the problems of this world and interacts with them; it does not avoid them. It doesn’t declare it has all the answers to all the questions. It exhorts its believers to get involved in this world and not to be satisfied with merely passively waiting for the “pie in the sky.” It recognizes the necessity of both evangelism and social justice, spiritual transformation as well as physical transformation.

Such is a Christianity with enough realism to realize there is much still to be done in this world, yet with enough idealism to strive to change this world for the better. It is one that recognizes that on one hand human effort will not fully transform this world – only God will when Jesus comes again – yet on the other hand that because God’s desire is to renew and transform this world for the better, we ought to be part of His perfect plan and strive to make this world a better place.

Such is a Christianity that I’ve come to embrace in recent years – one which I feel is more balanced and holistic. Proclaiming that I still haven’t found what I’m looking for is thus believing with Steve Stockman that:

As I look at Rwanda, Angola, Mozambique, Sarajevo or Belfast city I do not see what I’m looking for. As I look at a Church filled with gossip, malicious lies in the name of truth, guilt building Pharisees, bigoted hypocrites I do not see what I am looking for. As I look into my life and see the egotistical, selfish sinful, husband son or friend I do not see what I am looking for… And so we look at Philippians chapter 3 and find St. Paul was a U2 fan or maybe Bono has read Paul! Paul finds contentment in the justification that comes in Christ’s righteousness, not his own legalistic finding of what he was looking for but then he goes on to to make it so clear that he hasn’t found the holiness he wants to find and that forgetting what is behind he strives on towards the prize. He makes it clear twice that what he is looking for is not what he has but that the gospel gives the springboard to head towards it. So my conclusion is that U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I Am Looking For” is probably the best hymn written in this century, it has the theology of the cross but is centred in the reality of a fallen humanity and is about striving towards a better man and a better world. Bringing the kingdom. As Bono himself said in a Hot Press interview a few years ago “I love that bit in the Lord’s Prayer about being on earth as it is in heaven. Now we could all do with a whole dose of that.” (Prophets or Christian Boys Who Lost Their Way?)

And thus this is what my website as well as my life is about. Inspired by the loosened chains that Christ has brought about through His death on the Cross, I cannot be but eternally grateful. Yet I also recognize that there is much to be done in this world. God’s Kingdom has come in the first coming of Christ, yet only in the second will its fullness be realized. Meanwhile, poverty, suffering, sickness and pain still persists in this fallen world; righteousness, peace and joy has not yet been found in all places. Life for the Christian in this world is to seek for that in all places, it is a striving to see the kingdom come here in this world, a search for heaven on earth. With a healthy dose of both idealism and realism, we ought to push on to reflect the love of God to all people – the love He has shown us 2,000 years ago, the love we now show to others who need to experience it this day.

P.S.: The above was written years ago and reflects my passion for social justice. While that passion still exists, I probably would write things differently if I were to write this “about” page now (2010). Beyond social justice, I’ve also become interested in missions, the message of grace and the practice of the supernatural (healing, prophesy, etc.) over the past few years. While God’s kingdom has not come in its fullness here on earth – and thus in that sense “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for” – the Christian’s call is to declare it and bring it down on earth as it is in heaven.

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  1. Hi there, I love what you are doing with this site especially your masthead pic! So similiar in theme to mine!

    And yes, the moment I saw your blog name U2’s song started ringing in my head … rofl

  2. Hey, I was actually inspired by your site, realistic Christian, at last someone whom I can relate to. Pains, struggles we all go through, i dont know how to explain but i guess ur site is a good read. God bless.

  3. thanks! haha i’m very new to all these theology stuffs so i’m just trusting God to lead me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake (:

  4. I mean this tongue-in-cheek, but a brief survey of your site brings me some delight…
    1. Someone who speaks up about over-realized eschatology and attends New Crea (?)
    2. Someone who can read the Reformed writers and harmonize it with what some have labelled the prosperity gospel.
    Man, I’m stoked. :)

    From a not-so-young, restless, reformed, guy.

  5. Extremely good observations Aaron, which I hope to write more about one day on my blog. Just a short response:

    1) My views are constantly evolving as I’m constantly learning.

    2) Even though I’ve written a lot about New Creation the past 2 years or so, this “about” page was written way before that and relates mostly to social justice and not New Creation’s theology.

    3) I do believe one can be critical of New Creation’s theology because of its over-emphasis on the realized aspect of eschatology. I also do believe we can be critical of most other churches for their under-realized eschatology.

    4) I don’t believe New Creation preaches prosperity in an aberrant way like many Word of Faith and Tele-evangelists do. I think it preaches prosperity in a more moderate way.

    5) Reformed theology is great. But it’s not perfect, and that’s why I don’t consider myself Reformed anymore.

    Cheers! :)

  6. I actually understand that you wrote this site to chronicle your journey as a Christian. As we go through life, we experience many things and through all that, we experience a lot of doubt. The choice throughout all the struggle is faith. It’s something we decide everyday. This is why Christianity is not a religion. It’s a walk. It’s a journey. It’s a lifestyle. So props to you for being candid about your musings and thoughts on it!

    On the victorious life of a Christian that some churches do say aloud too much, I believe it goes without saying that struggles are a part of that. We do not receive victory just by virtue alone. We receive it because we have overcome. And what is it we overcome? The struggles. I think Jesus himself says it, “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, NLT)

  7. Hey,
    I “randomly” stumbled onto this blog. I couldn’t help but notice your theme song “I still haven’t found what i am looking for.” That song is also the anthem for my life. I have a very small blog around the same theme: http://mathiasuy.wordpress.com/2009/12/02/the-anthem-of-my-life/

    However I have not written as extensively as you have and I have stopped writing altogether very soon after I just started my blog.

    I have not had enough time to browse through your writings but I do see some similar themes in our lives. I myself have taken the time to study the various and sometimes opposing facets of christian thinking and viewpoints and I believed that I could take all of the good points and bring them together.
    I have also taken much time to study the works of curry blake and other historic figures who have taught about healing. However, my success rate is 0%.
    I have done endless reading in attempts to make sense of the world and my faith.
    There are many questions that I have for God and I am trying to find the answers. Unfortunately there are not questions that you can talk about with the average christian. I hope to read through your blog and see what you have learned in your journey

    1. Hi Mathias,

      I have many questions too and I believe that as we seek God, He will slowly reveal to us. Regarding your success rate of 0%, keep going for it. My success rate is not high either, but I keep persevering and learning. It’s a journey! :)

  8. Hello, I don’t know how I came upon your site but I did. Here is a thought. There are no absolutes in God or the gospels. All the absolutes are created by men who need something to hold onto. Thus all the doctrines are for our convenience. God is a divine being who does whatsoever it pleases him and is not bound by human rules. To love him is to except him as he is, not as we would want him to be. Every one has a way of healing or preaching and none is right but none is wrong. The Father made us all different, all seven billion of us and every one brings in something different.

  9. Reformed theology, charismaticism, the poor, social justice, “prosperity with a purpose”, missions, healing, miracles, law/gospel antithesis, grace, prayer, suffering/persecution, eternal perspectives, … as an opinionated idealistic eclectic I say “Amen” to the significance of all these things. To bounce one of your own most frequented phrases right back at you, “I don’t agree with him on everything,” but I do like your both your thinking and your heart and am glad to have you as a friend.

    Lately, more so than I have in a long time previous, I’ve really been thinking and feeling that I HAVE found what I am looking for. Do to ongoing personal issues pushing me into “crises of faith” I have, amongst other things, been forced to see the height and depth of my sin like never before. That whole “righteousness of God bit” that Paul seems to “harp on” so much, it really makes a lot more sense to me now than it ever did before. (A lot more could be said, but hey, this is your blog, not mine.) Anyway, nevertheless, I can also simultaneously understand the “still haven’t found spirit” as well. I remember a conservative pastor in Singapore who I respect speaking from Colossians 1-2 and bemoaning Christian movements which (he at least felt) were seeking “more than Christ”. I also remember a Charismatic pastor in America who I respect speaking equally passionately from 1 Cor 14 about how “the gifts reveal the giver”. My heart is to say: “I do not want anything more THAN Christ, but I do want more OF Christ.”

    1. Totally agree with you bro. The “stillhaventfound” term was specifically aimed at not seeing the world issues solved. As I quoted Simon Ponsonby somewhere else in this blog, “There is no more to be given, but more to be taken.”

  10. Go0d and sound Christian faith and theology.
    Thanks and blessings in the name of Christ,

  11. Interesting … I bumped into your blog, because I am searching for the “best” way to learning divine healing too. The problems of this world, there are Christians being called by God to work on. Please visit the link I supplied, it documented these work to help people who are facing problems everyday. Thus, the Christians who are helping them also facing the same problems everyday. But these do not make us loosing heart with Jesus, instead, pray and work some more!! Amen! PTL!

  12. Somebody mentioned the Elijah Challenge. I looked it up, downloaded the manual (it’s free) and WOW. This is great stuff and definitely the most balanced, sensible and still powerful approach I have seen so far.

  13. Hello there, I am a Canadian; and currently, in Singapore and looking for to connect with progressive Christians who are not threatened by challenging life’s questions as well as those who are intersted in social justice and peace.
    Where do I find them?
    Thanks in advance!

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